Fedora and Bowtie
by tomatoesonstrings
Summary: Multi-chap fun thing I dont know what I'm talking about Valkyrie is about 23ish, a bit of Valduggery if I so wish :3
1. Chapter 1

The deep blue velvet sky enveloped Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain as they kicked down a second set of doors blocking their way to the bleak castle ahead of them.

'They have a thing for defences, don't they?' Valkyrie said, leading the way to another lock waiting to be picked. Skulduggery nodded his skull in agreement.

'Indeed. No one would try to break in anyway, would they?' He said, stooping down to pick the lock.

'I know-who would even dream of doing that?' Valkyrie replied, a small smile creeping across her jaw. The skeleton shrugged, waiting to hear the faint click of the lock.

'Quite; it's not like it's a controlled base of thieving operations or anything like that.' Her smile turned into a grin, as Skulduggery nodded to himself and stood up, giving the door a gentle shove open. He turned to her.

'-But then again; who could resist doing your job?' He said, a boy-ish mischievousness in his voice. Valkyrie rolled her eyes and followed him. They walked quickly across to the next set of doors. Skulduggery bent down to unpick it. Valkyrie sighed.

'Can't we hurry this up a bit?' She complained.

'Well, so sorry for trying to be discreet so we don't get tied up and killed.' He said. She sighed inwardly, and slammed her boot into the door. It gave a groan, buckling slightly on its hinges. Skulduggery stood up and sighed.

'Fine then.' He said, and threw his shoulder into the door. It opened with a grinding of splintered wood. They walked forward, until Skulduggery felt something sharp on the back of his skull. He stopped walking, as did Valkyrie.

'I don't think we're alone anymore.' Valkyrie said quietly. Skulduggery nodded, neither of them moving.

'Can we help?' He said to whatever was holding the sword to him.

'Who are you, why are you here, and what are you doing?' Came a female's voice from behind them. Skulduggery stiffened.

'No...' He managed to say. Valkyrie frowned.

'What's wrong?' she asked him.

'That's...that's impossible...' He turned his head oh-so-slightly. 'I want to see you.'

'Why? And why do you sound so familiar?' the voice asked.

'Please. I need to see what you look like.' There was a pause, and then something shuffled behind them, until a woman in her early 30's was standing before them. Her hair was medium-length in loose ringlets, her clothes resembled something between something that Tanith Low would wear and something a pirate would wear. Her eyes were an intense blue, her skin was pale and the sword she held did not waver. Skulduggery shook his skull slightly.

'How can...how can you be here?' He breathed. The woman frowned.

'Why do I recognise your voice?' she asked.

'...Elizabeth...' Skulduggery said quietly. Valkyrie blinked, and then looked at the woman.

'That's...that's Elizabeth!'

'That...I...' Elizabeth's eyes narrowed.

'How do you know my name?'

'Elizabeth...oh, Elizabeth Pleasant...' Skulduggery sighed.

'Answer me-how do you know who I am?'

'Don't you recognise my voice?'

'Answer me!' Skulduggery fell silent, hesitated, and then took off his left glove. He held up his skeletal hand so Elizabeth could see the ring on his finger. She stared at it, and then at him.

'I'm your husband, Elizabeth.'

'...You're-'

'-I'm Skulduggery Pleasant.' She stared into his eye sockets, and lowered her sword.

'Skulduggery?'

'Hello.' She smiled gently and stepped forward.

'You're my Skulduggery?' He nodded.

'And you're my Elizabeth.' She stepped even closer, inches away from his teeth.

And then she slapped him.

Skulduggery reeled back slightly.

'Ow!' He complained. Valkyrie pointed at Elizabeth.

'I like her!' Elizabeth jabbed a finger into Skulduggerys chest.

'What the hell have you done to yourself?'

'Wha-?'

'Look at you!' Skulduggery tilted his skull, and looked at his hand.

'Oh, that.'

'Yes, that!' He dug his hands in his pockets like a naughty school-boy.

'Well, I didn't plan to become a skeleton.'

'Right, great.' She glanced at Valkyrie, and then back at him. 'Who's she?' Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie.

'Valkyrie Cain, she's a friend, just a friend, and I have some questions for you, Liz- how the-'

'I don't know; but something tells me that I'm in the wrong time.'

'Well, yes; you're meant to be dead.'

'Am I? I'll look forward to it-anyway, one minute I was talking to you, the next I'm here.'

'But that's impossible.'

'Exactly-so, we need the help of someone who knows things about time.' Valkyrie frowned.

'Like who?'

'Like me!' Came a male's voice from out of nowhere. Skulduggery and Valkyrie glanced around, trying to find a body to go with the voice.

And then a man in his mid-twenties wearing a tweed jacket and bow tie dropped down from the castles roof, landing in front of them, on his face.

Skulduggery, Valkyrie and Elizabeth stared at him. He groaned, and miraculously, stood up. He looked at the three of them, and grinned immensely, pointing at Skulduggery.

'Hello, Mr Skeleton.' He said.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry I haven't updated in AGES. I thought that no one was going to read this :p**

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><p>Skulduggery looked at him for a while before saying to no one in particular, 'what's he on?'<p>

'Skulduggery!' Both Valkyrie and Elizabeth barked. They looked at each other.

'How often did you have to tell him off?' Valkyrie asked.

'Every day. You?'

'Same.'

'Anyway! Hello, I'm the Doctor!' The young man said loudly by Skulduggerys "ear". The skeleton stepped back slightly.

'Yeah, okay, no need to shout.'

'Doctor what?' Valkyrie asked.

'Why does everyone ask that? Can't they just accept that 'Doctor' is my name?'

'Yeah, but doctors generally have their last name at the end.'

'Really? Do they? Of course they do...do they? I did not know that, well, I knew that, 'course I did.' Skulduggery sighed and rubbed his forehead.

'Right.'

'So, hello, I'm the Doctor.'

'Yep, we've seemed to have established that.'

'And you're Skulduggery Pleasant.' That got his attention.

'How did-'

'And you're Valkyrie.' Said the Doctor, turning to her. She narrowed her eyes.

'Wait, who are you exactly?'

'Told you, Doctor.'

'Yeah but what in?'

'Um...I'm not sure...'

'Well, that's all well and good.' Skulduggery tilted his head at Elizabeth.

'Do you know this man?'

'Not at all.' Skulduggery looked back at the Doctor.

'So why and how-'

'Ah,' The Doctor said, waving his hands around. 'I don't actually know 'bout that either, I just happened to be at the right place at the right time...or the wrong place at the wrong time. You see, I thought that this was a hotel for those people who marry their sisters and smell like porridge. Not that I'm one of them, I hate porridge-tastes like wet cardboard that's gone through a blender, no no no, I came here because one them looked a bit like Donny Osmond.' He didn't even stop for breath. The rest of them just stared.

'...What. The hell.' Valkyrie said. Skulduggery nodded.

'Agreed.'

'You said that you know things about time.' Elizabeth cut in.

'Yes, I do, quite a bit actually-which make sense since I am a Time-Lord.'

'Sorry?'

'Time-Lord. Me. 'Ello.'

'What is a-'

'It be me!'

'...Right.'

'Although I would be, if I could find my magic box.'

Skulduggery nodded slowly. 'So, we'll just go then...'

'No, no no! It's true! I have a magic box that takes you through time...' The Doctor wrinkled his nose. 'Well, when you say it out loud, it does sound a bit-'

'Yes, we'll be off then. 'The skeleton said, backing away slightly.

'I'm not insane!'

'Whatever you say.'

'I'm not! Look, I'll prove it to you...' The Doctor said, fishing out a pink phone form his jacket pocket. He quickly tapped in a number and set the phone to loudspeaker. A young scottish-sounding woman picked up.

'What?' She said bitterly.

'Ah, yes, hello Amy.'

'Stop using up all my credit!'

'You said I could borrow your phone.'

'Yes, only for emergencies when you actually have to contact us!'

Skulduggery sighed and dug his hands in his pockets, whilst the Doctor coughed and spoke again.

'This is an emergency.'

'You don't sound like you're being killed.'

'That's because I'm not.'

'Well, it's not an emergency then, is it?'

'It is a bit.'

'I'm on my honeymoon. A proper one; if you want anything, you have five seconds to tell me what it is.'

'...Did I disturb anything?' There was shuffling at the other end of the phone.

'...No.'

'Where's Rory?'

'...He's, um, busy.' Valkyrie raised her eyebrows but didn't say anything.

'Oh. Okay then.' The Doctor replied, completely oblivious. 'Anyway, I have three...no, two people and a skeleton-' Skulduggery folded his arms,'-who think that I am a bit deranged.'

'So?'

'So, tell them that I'm not.'

'I don't lie to strangers.'

'Oh, Ha ha.' He said slowly.

'Okay, I'll tell them. Can they hear me?'

'Yes.'

'Right. Hello, two people plus skeleton, I'm Amy, and I'm guessing you've just been talking to the Doctor. Listen-he may look mad, and he may be mad, but that doesn't make him a bad person. Trust whatever the hell he's saying 'cos he knows what he's doing.'

'Thanks.'

'Can I get on with...never mind. Bye.' She hung up.


	3. Chapter 3

**LATE AND SHORT, I KNOW, I KNOW. SORRY. THIS STORY HAS TURNED OUT TO BE HARDER TO WRITE THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.**

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><p>The Doctor snapped the phone shut and tucked it back in his pocket. 'So,' he said, ' believe me now?'<p>

Valkyrie looked at the other two, and then back at him. 'Can we trust you?'

'Depends what it is.'

'It's me,' Elizabeth spoke up. 'A long time ago, I woke up here, with no idea where I was. And then my husband shows up, looking a bit dead telling me that I died years ago.'

'Oh, I see.'

'Yes.'

'What I don't see though, is...' The Doctor bounded up to Skulduggery, fishing out a long gold and silver instrument of some sort. He pressed something on it, and the end flashed up a garish green. He waved it at Skulduggerys empty eye-sockets. '...How you can still be upright. I mean, I know all about you people with your magic stuff, all a bit showy for me. But sustaining a man's consciousness through a skeleton...that is something else entirely.'

Skulduggery leaned back slightly. 'Do you mind not...what is that?'

The Doctor grinned and tossed the instrument in the air, catching it smartly. 'Sonic screwdriver. It's handy. Very handy.'

'...Right.'

'How are you able to, physically, maintain your living existence when you're just a skeletal structure?' He asked to himself more than anyone else, lighting up Skulduggerys eye sockets with the sonic screwdriver.

Skulduggery batted it away quickly. 'Oi!'

The Doctor blinked at him innocently. 'What?'

'You said you could help us...' Elizabeth said.

The Doctor turned to her. 'Yes, yes I did.'

If Skulduggery had eyes, he would be narrowing them. 'Hold on, why should why trust you? Of all people in the world to trust, you want us to depend on a man who dropped from a castle directly in front of us. Why you?'

The Doctor looked at him, suddenly very serious. 'You need me, skeleton-man. You need me because there's no one else who can do this. No one who can travel across space and time and leave without a trace. You trust me because, to be honest, who else is gonna sort this out? No one. First and last option of everything and anything. Right before your eyes. You're trusting me because what else are you meant to do with a wife who was meant to be dead two hundred years ago? You call a doctor, and I answered.'

Valkyrie found herself grinning at him. Skulduggery tilted his head at him, and then sighed.

'Okay. You've proved your point.'

The Doctor grinned. 'Ha-ha! Gotcha!' He said happily.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. 'Oh sweet Jesus.'


End file.
